No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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