Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
