Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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