I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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