If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
