can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
