nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
