I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i came on her dog
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
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Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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