Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Nicole vs. Life
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
