fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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