Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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