i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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