the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
