You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
