Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
