I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
