just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize