It's like God shit irony all over that family
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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