A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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