Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
