i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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