Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
