you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
