Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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