I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
