he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
