yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
