I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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