Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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