I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We don't watch enough power rangers
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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