I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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