I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
