I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
