I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
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You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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