Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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