Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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