The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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