yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
