Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
