Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
