don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
