i don't like sucking hair
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
