she looked like the before picture.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
