GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
