I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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