so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
