I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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