she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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