So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
