He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
