Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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