I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
