I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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