woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
