I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
