I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
