We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize