you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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