they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
