My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
