we're chasing vodka with high fives
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
