in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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