ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
