Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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