I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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