He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
