i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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