the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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