She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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