Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
