please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
