just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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