So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He literally asked permission to hit on me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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