i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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