He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My day in three words: secret purse cake
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
