ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
