grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
