Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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