even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
